Sunday, February 3, 2013

Day 34 - Bedside

The view from my pillow is Emiliana's crib. She never sleeps in it. I doubt she will for quite a while. You see, we aren't really a crib kinda family. We are a baby sleeps with mama family.  You sleep so much better when you are cuddled up with me and your milk supply. 

When Esther was first born, I had no idea what co-sleeping was. After several weeks of exhausting nights ... days where I literally cried as night approached because no matter how much I nursed, rocked, sung, you would wake up 2seconds to 20 minutes after I laid you down. 

One exhausted night, I fell asleep with you as I nursed you. The next thing I knew, Esther & I awoke rested from a whole nights sleep to a bright sun-risen new day. 

Every since then, baby stays with me. It's where you belong, close to me, where you were for the first 9 months of your existence in my womb ...  it has since become bizaare to me that we expect a baby to be content in a cold, strange crib, so different from the warmth of their mother, whose heart beat they have listened to their whole lives. 

So Esther, Rachel, Joel & now Emiliana, you stay close with me as infants, until you are ready, in your time, to move to a bed. 

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Week 6 Themes

Day 33 - Repetition

It has dawned on me lately why we must repeatedly go through the same challenges. It's by repetition, by facing the same challenges again and again, that God slowly, mercifully transforms our hearts & pulls us closer to Jesus. 

When I was a mother of a 2 year old the first time, it was hard, and we survived, but it was confusing and I felt helpless, trying every piece of parenting advice, every expert book to navigate through this age. I cried a lot. I shouted too much. My heart wept and lifted itself to God a whole whole lot.

. When I was the mother of a 2 year old the second time, I was much more tender, but still lacking in some grace. I was frustrated, irritated, but I had been there, done that, tried not to take it personally. 

Now I am a mother of a 2 year old for the third time, I look at that little guy in the corner, flailing angry fists refusing to have 'time out' and my heart is a little warmed with compassion, because I have learn to empathize. 

I know how hard it is. How confusing it is. How challenging the battle against self is. The fight against flesh and desire. To control those raging emotions that somehow, you can't quite form the right words to communicate. 

I am a better mother than I was 7 years ago. I know this is true. I can see how much I have grown in Christ in these 7 years as a mother. I am 99% away from being anywhere near perfect... I have touched a mere drop in an ocean.

I praise God that I He keeps blessing me with Children so that I reface the same challenges, and learn to love deeper, more abundantly and with more grace & peace that comes from my sweet Jesus.

Day 32 - You Today ...

I suppose the theme of this blog is supposed to be about ME. Your mommy. But instead I shall talk about you ... today. Today you decided to paint. You painted you hand, your nose. Then you decided to eat the paint. 

We looked over and you began to make a coughing sounds. We quickly cleaned you up and encouraged you that paint was not for eating. However, you did continue to try to eat it. I can't imagine it tasted too good. 

Day 31 - Grow

Emiliana Squashed Banana 
Emi - Pie
Emi - Lu

You are growing to fast. You are so sweet and tender. This week, you started smiling so big. Especially when you saw daddy. Your eyes just lit up with joy. 

I love the soft cooing and I hold you close to breath in your familiar baby scent, and it soothes me. 

Esther & Rachel always say ... 

" I wonder what Emi will look like when she is our age? "
" What will Emi look like when she is two like Joel?" 
"When will she be big enough to share our room?" 

They think you are the cutest baby in the world. I have to agree. 

Joel loves you with all his little heart. I am not sure you think so sometimes because his love is a hard, rough boy love. That of harsh kisses, squeezes that squeeze a little too much. 
But he adores you and in the morning, when you wake he runs in and says ... 

"Squash banana awake??? Can I hold her? I want to kiss her!!!" 

Day 30 - Innocent

I just love those big blue eyes. You were so delighted Rachel to be holding your little sister. I wonder, as you read this yourself one day, what this picture will make you think and feel. 

It makes me feel  *IN LOVE*  and that wide eyed innocent 4 year old beauty. So precious! 

Day 29 - RED

I am so busy trying to soak in every single moment of the tiny beautiful seconds in the lives of Esther, Rachel, Joel & Emiliana, that I sometimes miss the tiny beautiful details in creation in my photography. 

Oh my ... I notice them in my heart & soul. For God's beautiful creation breathes energy, life and passion into my mortal bones. 

But I don't stop to take a picture. 

Today I did. This is ice by the way, I just loved the way the ice had frozen over these tiny red - green leaves holding up against frosty attacks. 

Day 28 - Inside

It was one of THOSE day. When the four of you are parents, you will understand exactly what I mean. I was tired,  we were stuck in all day. We have plowed our weary selves through months of sicknesses ... snotty noses, stomach bugs, flu, fever.... 

The house was overwhelming, I needed to do so much.  Every few minutes another disaster occured... a banged knee, an argument, a melt down, times outs, a diaper change, snack time. 

Then we decided, it was time to watch The Lorax. We all agreed on the movie, and this is when I walked into the room,  and for the next hour and thirty minutes, all was still and calm, and I regained my still and calm too. 

Day 27 - Outside

It was a winter snow storm. Except we didn't get snow. We got freezing rain and hail. In the morning you woke up to a slippery slidey porch, coating in a slick layer of ice, rails of icicles, frozen pools of water. 

You wanted to play outside and eat the ice. You wanted to scrape all the ice off the deck so that it would be safe for daddy when he got home from work. 

Joel was taking a nap, and Emi wanted to nurse. So I opened the blinds, bundled you up and hauled my rocking chair right up to the door. We were feet apart, but you were cold and I was toasting inside with a 6 week old Emi. 

You blew on the glass. Esther & Rachel both of you smushing your face up against it. You blew on the glass watching it seem up before your eyes. You collected icicles and declared them to be delicious. 

Soon Joel awoke and wanted to join you. So I braved outside with a baby gate and secured the porch, and you all played delightfully together moving around ice to make a path for daddy. 

Esther, you were making me giggle inside and out. I asked you to look at me so I could take a picture through the glass and you begin posing and sassing away for me. I love your spunky little personality. You are a hoot my darling! 

Friday, February 1, 2013


Day 26 - Guest

We were guests. We had barely met once, but 'I'  invited us to her home. Such a warm, loving home.  She & her family greeted us with smiles and showed us their delightful home! An angora rabbit whom you all wanted to hug. Sheep being shorn. Girl's taking care of horse. A garden full of organic produce.  Chickens roaming freely. 

We had lovely cookies and tea. The big girls played dress up. 

You loved your new friend 'C'.

You think she is the most wonderful, polite little girl you have ever met. I quite agree. 

We were sent home with fresh eggs & vegetables, and warm hearts. 

ALL of this family is so cherished in our hearts already! 

Day 25 - Real

Facebook can be a discouraging place for a mother. There we find pictures of uncluttered clean table with children in co-ordinated Pj's, with vibrant orange filled glasses of juice, a syrup drizzling pile of freshly made from scratch pancakes and wide breakfast filled smiles. 

Cups, plates, spoons are awesomely co-ordinated and some rad retro decor or photo montage chills nonchalantly in the background. 

But here is what is REAL. 

Esther & Rachel, love to wear mummy & daddy's t-shirts instead of pajamas, so instead of the nicely folded Hello Kitty christmas pajamas in your drawers, you trundle in warm and sleepy eyed in oversized t-shirts and wild hair and the rising sun harshly greets us as it rise and beams though the blinds. 

There is still a pile of books & papers haphazardly strewn across table from yesterday's homeschool lessons... why put them away when we will just pull it all out again tomorrow? 

Joel sips from purple flowery cup oblivious to it's girly condition. I mean, he's a boy surrounded by sisters, so I think he is totally desensitized to girly stuff. I think he was chomping away at his 3rd or perhaps 5th orange of the morning. 

I didn't homemake the french - toast. It came from a box from trader - joes (I will tell you how much i love that place sometime soon!). I will home cook better when we settle in better as a family of 6. But for now, they will survive with a box. 
I have more chance of achieving the coveted mother - of - the - year award if I am not stressing myself over trying to cook an extra batch in tears because I burnt the last one distracted by one thing or another. 

Rachel is absent from this picture, because every. single . meal she decides that she needs to go to the bathroom for about 20 minutes. She really does need to go, somehow seeing food on the table prompts that basic function. 

We don't have co-ordinated plate, well, we might, but I just grab the ones closest. 

This is life. This is real.  

Perfect. Simple. Uncoordinated. 


The kind of days I will miss & wish I would have cherished more when all my sweet babies are grown.  

Day 24 - Faux

Doesn't this look like a picture perfect, happy moment? 
I could tell you of happy smiles in cooking baking heaven, delightful laughter weaving itself among sweet scents of warm cookies? 

Well... that would be false.

Right after I took this picture, Joel ran across the kitchen melting down that he doesn't like baking. I was moving Emi from one position to the other trying to help her work out some gas issues. Esther & Rachel argued over whose turn it was to stir. I am pretty sure some eggs got smashed somewhere in the process too. 

The cookie recipe turned out to be a doozy, and we collectively avowed never to use it again. 
We bought cookies from the store shortly after. 

Life isn't aways how people like to make you think it is in the pictures... no, it's something way more wonderful. It's a slow, aching, joyful struggle of our journey to sanctification. 

And I will cherish every tiny part. Even the parts that had tears, because each tear gives us the opportunity to learn how to love more upon reflection.

Day 23 - Transparent

What is transparent to me, is that I have bad luck with glasses. Or, perhaps I should be more transparent ... I am too busy to do what needs to be done to stop my glasses from breaking. 
We go through so many. Every couple of weeks it seems like another glass broke in the dishwasher. 
Each time I ponder... maybe I should start hand washing these dishes.
But then, when it comes to crunch time and I have a pile of dishes I want out of sight & mind before my little Joel runs over and starts slamming the dishwasher door or pulling the trays in & out, I end up just quickly popping them in and vainly hoping that last time was just a fluke and it won't happen again. 
Then again... maybe it's not the dishwasher that breaks the glasses .... maybe it happens when Joel slams the door shut full force, bashing the top shelf inside with the force of an eighteen wheeler? 

Day 22 - Makes me smile

You make me smile. It was dark outside on a saturday morning. Daddy had left early for work. In a rare moment of calm, I glanced to see you all engrossed in the world of your imaginations, of fairies, princesses and train adventures. 

For this moment, I sat watching the three of you as Emi sweetly nursed, and I drank my tea. Maybe if you had glanced, you might have seen my gently smiling, but it would not have quite shown the enormity of the smile in my soul. 

Sweet children, I know we had our moments of chaos, tempers, tears, breaking each other hearts ... me especially breaking yours at times, your sinful, broken mother scrambling to learn to love you more each day, but know ... YOU, make me smile, every single day. 

Day 21 - Dream...

You dream of snow. At barely sunrise, Esther you ran into our room.. " It SNOWED!!! My dream came true! This is the best day of my life!" 

Before 8am, you were already all dressed and outside. It sadly was not the fluffy, lovely, snowball kind of snow. It was the yucky cold, frozen snow that melts into slush and is gone by lunch time, 

Yet we rejoiced discovering frozen ice in a bird bath, icicles decorating climbing frames & leaves. The heavy plop of snow rolling, melting from sun basking roof tops. 

Before long, your noses & fingers could bare it no more, and your faces lit up as you ran to the door, searching for the solstice of warm bursting through floor air vents and mama's sweet hot cocoa. 

Day 20 - Currently Reading?

Theoretically, this is what I am currently reading. Well, I plan to systematically read one book at a time from start to finish. You see, that is part of my new years goals. To read one book at a time from cover to cover, avoiding reading excepts from 5 books at once that I never actually finish. 

So far, in one month, I am 1 chapter into one of these books. Thankfully, it was a life transforming little bit of reading from Mother Theresa, about prayer. 

Day 19 - Style

You told me ... Mommy, Mommy! Look I am FABULOUS!!! 

You love to dress up, to pose and strut your stuff in anything pink & shiny. Well girls, today, you do look fabulous. 

I love your style! 

Day 18 - NEWS!!!

"Erm.... It's a SINK?" I hear you say skeptically. 

Ah yes! Indeed. You are correct. A sink it is. But, look! Look! It's an empty sink. 
Look how shiny, clean and captivating it is,  in all it's emptied glory!

You see, since little Emiliana Lucia Joy arrive (aka Squashed Banana or squeaky), the dishes are often quite neglected. 

An empty sink is big news in this home! 

Day 17 - This is so me...

This is so me. 

Pandora Beach Boy's radio. But it's not just Beach Boys. It has a plethora of dandy tunes that we recorded before I was even a twinkle in my fathers eye. Yet, I can listen to this channel for hours and know the words to every song. 

My favorite ... is to dance around the kitchen with you to it. Joel, you especially love to boogy with mommy right now. Esther & Rachel, you dance a little, then request princess music... you want to dance to songs from Tangled, Little Mermaid. 

But me, I just want to dance like a crazy lady with the sun beaming in through the window as I find a way to bring glee to loading the dishwasher. 

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Day 16 - Signs of Winter

This summer we started a nature co-op with our homeschool group. We have learned together, to keep our eyes open, to look and question. 

Now you come running... 

" What plant do you think this is?" 
"Mommy, see this bug?" 
" I wonder what kind of fruit this plant makes?" 
" What flower is this?" 
"Do you think frogs live here?" 
" Why can birds fly?" 

I love when you think quietly and then answer, the wheels of wonder and logic rolling. Then you speak. With surprising wisdom, you understand, you know by observing God's creation, innately, something of it's essence. It's purpose. 

Sometimes you don't know. Sometime neither do I. Then you look at me and say 
" Maybe we can do some research and try to identify that" 
" We should go to the library and find a book that can tell us more about it!" 

In all the technology, movies and disney worlds ... children are so thrilled by the bright and shiny  plastic and noise, that we forget to teach and forget to show them, the beautiful wonder of the earth. 

They don't know how to be lost in the joy of exploration in just a field. If there isn't something to entertain, they become bored. 

I want a field, a forest, a river, a mountain ... to be the most riveting adventure of all for you my sweet children. 

You made me smile so much Esther, when in the snow you discovered this green. The brightness shining with spring through the evidence of winter. You were so proud. And I am so proud of you, for noticing the small, insignificant - to - many, green in the snow. To me, it meant so much. 

Day 15 - Confusing


Beautiful words that role of the lips like silky sweet chocolate. Yet as I battle flesh - my discontentment,  whining, groaning, frustration, anger and worry ... the shooting arrows ...sometimes I can barely in the confusion of the daily fight, quite understand how ... how to see God's mercy, His grace and His love in the sometimes overwhelming battle to become the peaceful mother I desire to be. 

We remember though ... how we are told to deal with those flaming shooting arrows... 

Ephesians 6:10-18

The Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

I am slowly learning to recognise those arrows shot at the heart of strongest battles.  With small words I ask simply .. Lord, Jesus, Have mercy on this sinner... 

Lord have mercy. 

And when I mouth that cry, I see mercy clearly, for  the arrow misses its target. 

Then I feel peace and joy, and see His grace as I then, return to love ... because there is no fear in perfect love. 

Day 14 - Temptation

It is true. I am a comfort eater. I should not ease my woes and calm my frustrations with warm tea, cookies, sweet ice cream. I should be a comfort - prayer. If I got on my knees and prayed as often as I sit with a sugary treat and a caffiene - infused mug. I wonder how much more I would know God's will  for me and how much more peace & joy I would have. 

Sugar is the bandaid, it is not the cure. It's a temptation just to keep covering my heart, soul and mind with band aids, but the truth is, it's like sticking a stone in the hole in a dam. All that pressure and it's going to build up until an emotional torrent pours forth. 

We need to resist the temptation to eat our worries and fears away, but instead, fall down and pray. 

Day 13 - Forgotten

I often just watch you all play. You know, it's easy for us grown ups to forget how to play. We stop being able to just sit down and get lost in a world of trains, dolls & make believe. 

It is one of the most precious and beautiful things about child. I adore your imaginations, your story lines, the way you act out while adventures and love stories. 

You want me to join in, and I try my best, but it's hard because my mind is so consumer with dishes, deadlines and daily routine that somehow it is hard to let my mind discover a land of fairies or a go on a railroad adventure. 

I've forgotten how to play, but thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn again by being with you and watching you.  


It's the simple things like the robots Stevie G drawsAnd the ease with which we seem to pull those tricksThere are moments of escape for every one of usAnd the beauty in the times that we create

I saw you smilingAnd I need my vehicles and animalsAnd I will be alrightTake me back to 1979 so I can find my open eyes

He can play all by himself for many hoursI have never seen a kid who's so contentAnd there is nothing from the outside that can touch him'Cos he's just learning how to be alone with one

I saw you smilingAnd I need my vehicles and animalsAnd I will be alrightTake me back to 1979 so I can find my open eyes

And I need my vehicles and animalsAnd I will be alrightTake me back to 1979 so I can find my open eyes

Lying down on my bed
I just got another kick to the head
Oh yeah you're a part of me
Yet another branch on the family tree
Salt on my fingers salt in my cuts
Salt on my face and salt in my guts
It's been a battle but we've come through ok
Stop what you're doing and play

Cos we've got our vehicles and animals so
We're gonna be alright
There's no need for us to go back in time
Because we've found our open eyes

We've got our vehicles and animals
So we're gonna be alright
There's no need for us to go back in time
Because we've found our open eyes

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Week 3 Themes!

Day 12 - Mini ... Minnie ....

When I read the theme 'Mini', the word transformed ... Jasmine ... Minnie. My not so little sister. 

Thousands of miles apart. Yet my sister still. I miss her. 

I miss the laughs over a cup of tea we could be having. 

The conversations about life, hair, love, shoes, clothes ... 

Shopping trips .... making fun ...  long walks.... cooking together... working on art and photography together...milkshakes at The Coffee Exchange. 

This ring, belongs to my Minnie, and I wear it everyday ... so everyday my heart remembers her... all the way back home in Clitheroe, England. 

Day 11 - Signature ....

We sign everyday. A check, a form, a birthday card, buying a car, a house, signing a birth certificate ... each one carrying into effect a consequence, a memory, propelling change in small ways. The scratch of the pen to paper slowly but surely etching away the direction of your years with each tiny signature.

 The most important signature I ever made ... was for my marriage license. 

It was the signature that transformed the details of my future from settling into a new life in America, to determining the thoughts, feelings, challenges and joys of my story, unfolding each moment as if a pen flowing, forming each predetermined letter of your unfolding on paper name, your signature. 

My signature. My signature move ... was marrying the most wonderful man, most certainly whom God ordained from the moment He breathed me into existence. My life will always wonderfully determined by that choice.

My husband ... who is so a part of what makes up who I am. Who gives helps me to be the best version of me. Who is loving me closer to Christ. As my husband teaches me more what true love is by attempting to love me sacrificially as Christ loves the His bride, the Church. My husband loves me, his precious bride. Every moment, he makes me more aware of his love for me, it shows me how much Christ loves me, how much Christ loves His bride, the Church. 

When God said, the night I first saw my husband " This is who you I intend for you to marry" 
I responded " I don't not know him, what if we end up not liking each other?" 
God replied " I made you for him, and him for you. As long as he always loves my son Jesus, he will always love and want you. This I have ordained. Joshua. He is your future. Through Joshua, you will learn to love and follow Christ. For Joshua, is a man who will show you Christ" 
I spoke in my heart " I trust you Lord" 

And we married... and all of God's promises were true, with each year, I see they were more true that I could ever have fathomed. 

My marriage was formed in heaven. I am a most blessed woman. 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Day 10 - Games!!!

Dear Esther & Rachel, my beautiful girls, 

I love that everyday, with sparkles in your eyes, you run to me with anticipation of that short hour of the day, when little babies are fast asleep and you get mommy all to yourselves. 

Some days, you request a tea party, others it is a book to be read. Should we get lost in Beatrix Potter? Discover the world of Laura & Heidi? Cry over the Little Princess? 

Every now and then we have a 'big girl craft' - like the time we made plaster tiles and painted them, or butterfly magnets, or paint stained glass, even make a necklace or two! 

Lately you request games. You delightfully run off and come with a stack of games... Snakes & Ladders, Candy Land, Old Maid, Go Fish, Bingo, Cards, Dominoes, Chess, Pass the pig. 

I hope that when you grow, that amongst the busyness of housework, school, errands and the daily distractions, you will remember, that even just for a short time, life slowed down and my eyes were on you alone. 

You are so well behaved and helpful, you play so quietly while I nurse a precious new baby or weather a  sweet two year olds tantrum as he navigates his new emotions, that I often feel bad that I don't give you all the time I wish I could. 

But I want you to know, that I am so proud of you and even if I do not sit with you all day ... that with all my heart ... I wish I could and that the times I do, I will treasure forever. I hope you treasure them too! 

Love, Mommy. 

Day 9 - In a Drawer

We all have THAT drawer.

 The one that you tidy again and again, yet it always ends up filling up with a bunch of assorted stuff. 

There isn't always a good place for it anywhere else in the house. 

There is not enough of a certain item in a category to warrant its own space.

 Or perhaps you are trying to clean up fast and you shove it there so 'tidy' because you are to lazy to put it in its rightful place. 

 So it all gets grouped together. 

Sometimes I think we have a drawer of emotional 'junk' too. We feel something, and instead of engaging in dealing with it. We shove it away. The drawer gets so full of all the little stuff in live that niggles and bothers, then one day, the drawer is to full and spills where everyone can see it. 

It's a better idea to deal with each feeling & thought in the moment it reveals itself. To instantly process it, sort it, chose prayerfully how to respond ... and move on. 

I need to get better at not shoving my emotions in a drawer, just to let all that little stuff, explode later on...  dealt with NOW .... it's nothing ... but left alone to pile up ... it becomes something so big you can't ignore anymore, it starts to cause a serious problem.  

No matter which way you look at it... you have to deal with it sooner or later. Sooner is better. 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things"
Philippians 4: 6-8

 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Day 8 - My Front Door

" Lewis loved to read; and, as his father's house was filled with books, he felt that finding a book to read was as easy as walking into a field and "finding a new blade of grass". "

For where else can a child's imagination be thrilled with adventure, love and intrigue but 

in carefully crafted words and artistic images upon the these tender pages?

For when we curl upon the couch, breathing in the tale, time is lost and our hearts engaged, 

a story so captivating, it's delight transcends mothers, daughters, grandparent's ages... 

Yes, my sweet children run through a field, each blade of grass a captivating tale, 

Grasp one in your tiny hands and hide with it in a cozy nook... what will you find? 

Giants, fairies, castles, birds and whales!  

By my front door, there you will find, no welcome mat or coat hook, 

For in the way you'll find a richer welcome, 

The invitation to sit, and read a wondrous book.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Day 7: Simplicity

It's the simple comfort of a cup of tea, in a pretty tea cup, on the sofa, with a spiritually enriching book that can transform my tumultuous soul to one of calm.
 The simplicity of daily rituals to breath in a moment of quiet. 
I regroup, I run the words I read through my mind & heart, over and over, like fingers running through soft toddler hair, head rested on your lap. 
My dear husband appears amid a storm ... sit down, I'll make you some tea he entreaties. 
All is peace in this daily simplicity. 
I sip ... I look around ... I quiet my soul ... and remember ... Be still & know that I am God. 

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Day 6 - STILL life.

A new baby,
Health issues,
Cold wintery days,
Cold & Flu season ... 

Life slows. The rush ebbs away to be replaced by the stillness. 

Hot drinks, hearty stews, pajama days, books on the sofa, baby snuggles. 

Life suspends. 

Projects forgotten. Housework neglected. School books unopened. Play dates rescheduled. To - do list on fridge door, neglected. 

But its still LIFE  ... it's still the story ...  

Then engines begin to warm and the wheels begin to roll, for the movement and flow must go on. 

Yet, you reflect on the long lost stillness of those winter, sickness ridden, christmas, newborn baby, never leave the sofa or the pajama days in wonder ... at the beautiful of the still, the quiet and though you wanted so much then, to go, go, GO! Now, you want  to slow, slow ... become still again ... and breath in again what you wished away. 

Momentum builds ... it's spring ... summer ... then winter again ... the once still baby, is still your little baby ... but she isn't so still now, fluttering by on tiny feet...  

So I breath in NOW. I sit still on this sofa. Bound by her insatiable desire to nurse in my arms and hope it will last for ever. 

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Day 5: A room with a view...

The floor needs sweeping and mopping,
The dishes need putting away,
There are toys scattered, 
There is a pile of clutter on the counter,
Spilt coffee needs wiping, 
Yet this is a room with a view.
A perfect room. With a perfect view. 
Two little girls, daydreaming, as they anticipate a tea party...  as their peppermint tea is steeping. 

From my point of VIEW ... this is the most beautiful, sweet sight for a mother. 
Simple, beautiful, blissful, innocent childhood. 
This is the kind of moment I will miss, when they are grown. 

Friday, January 4, 2013

Day 4: Grace - FULL

Todays theme is 'Graceful' 
Images of dance, movement, soft light came to mind. 
But, it was a day of doctors visits, blood test, and replacing all the tires on our car. 
What to post? What to take a picture of? 
My camera battery needed charging and it was getting closer to bed time.
As a sat quietly nursing my new, tiny daughter, surrounded by the other kids dashing back and forth, playing, pretending, shouting, giggling. 
Graceful on my mind, my lips. The word transformed... 
Grace - Full. 
Yes. My life is FULL of grace. 
The picture I am about to share, is one which reminds me of a great way in which God has shown me grace, in answer to my prayers ... 

It's a picture Josh took with the iPad. I know it will be one of my favorite pictures of all time, just because of the moment in our lives in records. 

It shows me, smiling, so much, because after a very traumatic birth with my 3rd child two years ago, here I am holding my 4th child ... my prayers answered. God in His grace, answered my prayers. 

My prayers for another child. My prayers for a healing birth. 

There was a lot of medical concern in me having another child. Yet I knew, there was a child waiting to be born into this family, my heart had a place for her before she was formed. I longed for her with all my soul. When I thought I would have to stop having children, I mourned for a child, that wasn't yet created. In my heart, she was real though. 

I am beaming with love for this sweet new beautiful babe. My sweet sweet Emiliana. My heart is yours. I love & adore you!

 Full of energy and adrenaline, from an amazing natural birth,  in which for the first time, I was able to immediately hold and tend to my new baby, without some complication or issue preventing me giving them my full attention. 

I was elated. In His grace, I have my new baby girl, who I desired so much, and had a birth that allowed me to heal from the nightmares of the past. 

Emiliana Lucia Joy 12-13-12 

You will always remind me that God is full of grace, and that my life, is Grace-FULL.